It's Friday! Joke time - this week I'm a bit disrespectful to law enforcement but after paying my husband's $100 "parking" ticket I might be just a little bitter. I do appreciate the job that our law enforcement professionals do - well other than the dam speed traps - but we all need a laugh so here ya go.
'Hello, is this the State Police?''
Yes What can I do for you?''
I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs , but he's hidin' it there.
''Thank you very much for the call, sir.'
The next day, the NYS State Police descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but; find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....
Did the troopers come?''Yeah!''
Did they chop your firewood?''
Yep!
''Happy Birthday, buddy!

********************

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden,but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son,Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love,Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.They apologized to the old man and left.That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie